so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Enjoy the penises
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
