We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
