Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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