dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
