After last night, I could never be a politician.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
