At least make sure they are 18
Why
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i've created a new STD.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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