Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize