i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
