I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
