have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
