what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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