Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
