why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
