i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this is an emotional support booty call
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
