Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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(604): View more from British Columbia

If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.

(604): View more from British Columbia

And by one day I mean once every two weeks.

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(517): View more from Michigan

my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED

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(310): View more from California

Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation

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(941): View more from Florida

You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila

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(657): View more from California

There's even glitter on my cock...

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