I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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