Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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