Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
