Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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