The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
