so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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