we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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