Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
