Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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