She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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