your parents love me but you hate me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
