would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
