Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
