i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
