Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
