Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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