He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
