Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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