at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
