Your dad touched me again.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
