you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
