you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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