Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize