When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sext me about skeletons
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
