I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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