I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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