I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
