I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
