He told me they were just razor bumps!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
