It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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