i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
