How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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