You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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