just come out here and I will go home with you...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
