Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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