she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
