is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
