I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
