you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize