She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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