Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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