i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
