Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i love accidental penises.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
