So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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