Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
