Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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