If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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