i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
