Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
