singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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