i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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