mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize