Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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