you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
