i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
